


Hikaru, Waya, and the Old Man- A Somewhat Fractured Fairytale

by Ver (verloren1983)



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Community: blind_go, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-22
Updated: 2011-05-22
Packaged: 2017-10-29 11:08:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/319223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verloren1983/pseuds/Ver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hansel and Gretel, the Hikago version.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hikaru, Waya, and the Old Man- A Somewhat Fractured Fairytale

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the "Childhood" round of BG. My demented brain came up with this. (The end is edited slightly from the original for clarification purposes.)

Once upon a time, there were two young brothers. While they loved to play games and brought their parents much joy, they also had fearsome appetites-

_"Hey! We're growing boys, you know!"_

Right. They were growing boys with tremendous appetites, so that their already not wealthy parents struggled terribly with the expense of feeding them.

_"Aww, man. You shouldn't eat so much, Hikaru."_

_"Me? What about YOU?"_

_"What about me? I'm older, I get more food."_

_"You totally just made that up!"_

_"Did not!"_

Ahem. So it really shouldn't have come as a shock when the boys heard their parents talking late one night. It was decided between the two adults that they would take the boys out into the woods and lose them. It broke their hearts, but hopefully the children could survive on their own. If the family continued the way it was going, all four of them would starve.

_"What? What jerks!"_

Waya decided that he would fill his pockets with white Go stones, so he could mark their way through the forest and he and Hikaru wouldn't get lost. The next afternoon, their father took them out into the forest. He was so distracted by thoughts of the terrible thing he was about to do that he didn't even notice his son marking the trail. When they were deep into the forest and twilight was approaching, their father sat them down underneath a large tree and told them to wait for him and that he'd be right back.

_"You know he's not coming back, right?"_

_"What do you mean, he's not coming back, of course he's- ohhhhhhh."_

They waited until it got dark and the moonlight illuminated the stones on the ground. Hikaru and Waya found their way out of the forest easily that way and returned home that night. While their parents were glad to see them and certainly happy that their children were unharmed, the food situation had not changed. Several weeks later, the children were woken up in the middle of the night and led out into the forest again. Unfortunately, they weren't able to take anything with them to mark the path. When their father disappeared, they were hopelessly lost.

_"That's just mean."_

One can understand how the man could be driven to such a thing. Anyway-

_"But that's too cruel!"_

Perhaps if small children would stay quiet and listen to stories like good little boys, things like that wouldn't happen.

_"..."_

That's what I thought. In any event, Waya and Hikaru wandered around for a few days, exhausted and hungry and lost, until a miracle happened. There was a house! Even better, it was a house made of cake and candy! They both ran ahead and started eating whatever they could reach. It didn't take long before a very old man stepped out of the house.

_"He looks kinda like a monkey."_

_"Heh, he does, doesn't he?"_

He told them that if they came inside, there was even better food and clean beds for them to sleep in. Lured in by the promise of such simple luxuries, they followed the old, cackling man into the house.

_"No! Stop! Don't do it!"_

_"Too late."_

_"Nooooooooooooo!"_

_"Oh, stop being melodramatic."_

_"I'm practicing!"_

_"For what?"_

_"Dunno yet."_

_"Idiot."_

They were fed until they felt absolutely stuffed and then went to sleep dreaming of all the food they could possibly ever want.

_"That's kinda nice. Why's he supposed to be bad?"_

The old man, however, had his own agenda. The next morning he locked Waya in a large cage, since Waya was older and bigger, with the intention of eating him. Day after day, Waya was fed the kind of portions he'd only imagined before. Whether it was a high metabolism or good genes or something else, however, he mysteriously didn't gain a single ounce. This went on for weeks-

_"Weeks? Seriously?"_

_"How stupid is this guy?"_

_"I know, right?"_

Okay, that's it. The old man ate both of the boys and had a very good lunch. The end.

_"No, wait! We'll be good! Right, Waya?"_

_"Ooof. Um. Right."_

_"Right. Promise!"_

As long as there aren't any more comments from the peanut gallery, I suppose he might not have eaten them. He fed Waya for weeks, to no apparent result, until finally he decided that he would eat the boy anyway, regardless of how fat he was or wasn't. He also decided he was hungry enough to eat Hikaru too. Knowing after spending a few weeks with the children that Hikaru was less than intelligent, the old man turned on the oven and told the boy to put his head in the oven to check that it was hot enough for supper.

_"The scary part is that you WOULD."_

_"Hey, I totally wouldn't!"_

_"Riiiiiiiight."_

_"What, I'm not totally brain dead."_

_"Uh huh."_

_"I'm not!"_

Are you two quite done?

_"Oh. Right. Sorry."_

Hmm, I wonder. So the old man asked Hikaru to check the oven. As I said, Hikaru wasn't the smartest boy, and so he wasn't really sure what the old man was talking about, until the old man finally grew frustrated and demonstrated what he wanted Hikaru to do. At a frantic gesture from his brother, Hikaru pushed the man into the oven and closed the door, latching it shut.

_"I killed somebody? Jeez."_

_"He was going to EAT US."_

_"Yeah, but cooking somebody is boring. If I'm gonna kill somebody, it might as well be cool. Like a machine gun or something."_

_"I think you've been playing too much Halo."_

_"...yeah, probably."_

Hikaru then freed Waya from the cage and the boys searched the house for anything they might need to bring with them, all the while ignoring the screams of the old man in the oven until they finally stopped.

_"Coooooool."_

_"You're kind of demented, you know that, right?"_

_"Yep!"_

During their search, they found all kinds of gold coins and jewels. They took as much as they could and left that terrible place, finding their way back thanks to the animals in the forest who were grateful that the old man was dead. They returned home victorious, and their parents were thrilled to see them, especially since they had brought with them enough money for all of them to live comfortably. There would be no more ill fated trips to the woods for them. And they all lived happily ever after.

_"We're done?"_

_"Yeah. That means you shut up now."_

_"Awww. But what happened after that?"_

_"What do you mean? They lived happily ever after. What else do you want?"_

_"The house! Come on, it's a house made of cookies and stuff. They went back, right?"_

_"That's what you're concerned about?"_

_"Well, yeah!"_

Sometime later, a man was traveling through the woods when he came across the old man's house. He'd been looking for a quiet, out of the way place to work on his spells, and the cottage intrigued him. Finding the place abandoned, he was satisfied that he could do his work from there. The oven would need to be replaced, but no matter. This would do nicely. The blonde man smirked, glasses glinting evilly in the sun.

_"Better?"_

_"..."_

Good.

THE END.


End file.
